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September 19, 2002
wanderful..
dont you hate feelin like you didnt do anythin w/ your day? like theres so much in the world youd like to do, see, or achieve. and when you finally get the time to accomplish just one of those things.....you dont--for wutever reason..
i guess i sorta feel like that at the end of this day even though i know i accomplished at least one thing which may be the most important thing i need to take care of right now (job searchin). but still, theres a good 17 hrs of awake time ive had--how come i cant achieve more?
actually, i think wut im tryin to really convey w/ this entry is that often at nite i become this sorta manic-depressive. okay, not REALLY depressive--more like my mood gets heavier and my outlook on the world & life is a half-empty glass of water. esther will agree--as the sun goes down and nite falls, i become more pensive and less active, which makes for great blog entries at nite filled w/ weird and deviated thoughts..
and the funny thing is: when i get in that kinda mood, although i so look forward to wakin up the next day (cuz the next day is a new day--ya kno, that energizin feelin of not knowin wut tomorrow holds) i end up stayin up pretty late into the nite. yes, its unproductive and does not really contribute positively to my mood or thoughts. yet, i sorta relish in that drunken state of melancholy (reminds me: alcohol only enhances the mood) and it usually requires an immense amount of exhaustion (which i am quickly reachin right now cuz of the effort required to write this out) for me to finally give in and hit the sack..
its weird, huh? more like, im weird. anyways, enough ramblin..
one last thought: i think its funny how humans dont necessarily do or behave as to wut is in their best interest--cuz how does that serve them in any positive or productive way? do you believe a person will only act in a way that serves his best or selfish interest? that he has determined in his mind he will derive something 'good' from followin a certain path? ah, a subject matter for another entry..
damn, its FIVE AM already!! man, i told you imafreak..
Posted by cpaik at September 19, 2002 05:00 AM
Comments
yeah, 5am's pretty late...
but have to say, your standards are pretty high and you'll never feel like you've done enough. you've achieved so much and proven already that you're the coolest man.
it's scary how i'm becoming more and more like my father. he would take pictures everywhere he goes and embarrass the heck out of us. yeah, i think my site's the only inspiration for taking pictures...
by the way, the picture i took of you guys got erased cuz my battery went dead. sorry, bro. i'll take a lot more of you guys next time you come up. love you, bro.
Posted by: dan at September 19, 2002 12:46 PM
yo..i love sleep. i can sleep forever.
i feel you though. being at home all day made me think all too much about everything.
Posted by: phil at September 19, 2002 01:10 PM