November 03, 2002
write here, write now..
ive got a few things on my mind so im just gonna vomit em out..
today i discovered my wife actually reads my site!! thats not a statement of horror but of pleasant surprise. this whole time i thought she never read it. but she did and does. and that makes me happy cuz despite how often i write about sports items, shes still interested in me enough to read thru em. now if she would only leave a comment..
my fantasy football frustration has gone to a whole new level today. so at 12:52pm i check the injury updates and see ricky williams jr (indy)--who i picked up since the edge isnt playin--is out as well cuz he came to the game w/ a sore hamstring. at 12:53pm, i go to my roster page to bench him. by 12:56pm im yellin like the world has come to an end cuz yahoo has locked the roster refusin to load the next page acceptin my roster change!! i was SO pissed!! p-i-s-s-e-d. i was yellin so loud the dogs were freaked--they thought i was comin after em. it was unbelievable (my new favorite word to yell when angry)--i check the updates like 10 times yester--if he pulls a hamstring why wouldnt they say hes out then?? and why does freakin yahoo jump the gun in lockin the rosters??!! see, wut made it worse was that it was in my 7-game-losin-streak league!! seriously, at that point i swore it was a damn conspiracy. ive never been more pissed over somethin so insignificant to everyone else. i am still so angry..
but....wut might make it better is actually WINNIN. if my calculations are correct, im up by 20 goin into tomorr nite. and i just hafta hope miami lights it up in green bay (go ray lucas!)..
okay, i need to cool down..
next..
i had a job interview the other day. and as it progressed, i realized i liked the position. i mean i really liked it and for all genuinely "good" reasons: the work, the people, the industry, the OPPORTUNITY. the thing is, walkin out i felt like i sorta screwed things up. or i walked out feelin i might not get the job. im not writin this to say how i couldve done better or complain about wut i should or should not have done. im writin cuz if i were a different person--more like my brother-in-law--i probly would feel great about my chances. why? because he is an optimist and i am the polar opposite..
a lot of people know me as a cynic. well, im also a pessimist esp when it comes to things concernin myself specifically. when somethin is done, i tend to focus on the negatives and wut i did wrong--and its not "constructive criticism" cuz im not evaluatin how i couldve been better or tried harder. i think about how stupid it was to dribble the ball left not right. or hedge my bets on an unproven bench player. or sayin somethin that obviously was not the smart, conservative thing to say. i dwell on how things went wrong..
maybe my pessimism arises from a lack of confidence. or lack of esteem. or a lack of belief. wutever the reason, i am dictated by my pessimism. and as much as i realize its counter-productivity, i also realize its wut makes me who i am--that i would be a very different person in a very different place w/o it..
and ultimately, it remains my choice to allow my pessimism to rule me..
Posted by cpaik at November 3, 2002 11:59 PM
Comments
good luck with the job dude...
Posted by: phil at November 4, 2002 08:50 AM
you know, brilliant people tend to be pessimistic and focus on their weakness. but dude, as far as i'm concerned, you are the coolest easiest going smooth operator.
i'll pray for that job. remember, you are macguyver
Posted by: mungmungdog at November 4, 2002 11:04 AM
I think your problem is you are a perfectionist. I was like this once. Sometimes I still am. You have to realize that mistakes happen and often good things happen when they do. I think the perfectionist only knows if it is perfection if no one criticizes it and will try to pre-emptively criticize before anyone else can give the same criticism. Relax Charles, unclench (my new favorite word to someone who is being uptight :D ). You get the job, you get it. It's not the end of the world if you don't. Fortunately we live in a world where there is more than one employer.
I guess I've become an optimist in my later years. If I were in your situation, I would be happy. 2 dogs, a loving wife, ability to do a layup in a game. Sounds pretty good to me. You have seen my struggle in doing layups haven't you?
Ha ha on myself. Choose your attitude Chars.
Posted by: harry at November 4, 2002 11:40 AM
Dude,
You're not a pessimist. I mean, look back to your illustrious foosball history. You never gave up, not even once, in spite of ridiculous odds and a superhuman opponent.
I mean, what would Rolf Schenk do in a situation like this? Probably he would lose a bet to his wife and bleach his hair, end up liking it, and be found occasionally face down in a bowl of sangria in Basel's steamy underground.
Not that any of us would know anything about that.
I mean, we all promised that what we did would be left in Switzerland, and that it was the PERFECT VICTIMLESS CRIME. or at least it wouldn't help anyone if we confessed.
Charles,
What I'm trying to say in my rambling, sleep-deprived, BV encumbered way is "You're a good man. You're a smart man. Don't sell yourself short."
Seriously.
This once, I'll let it be statistically significant.
Chris
Posted by: Chris at November 5, 2002 02:03 AM