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June 24, 2003

dream a lil dream..

lately, ive been succumbin to some deep r.e.m. in the early hrs..

this particular morning, in between esther wakin up at 6am and me actually gettin up at 7am, i had a very strange dream..

i was at home, but not the "home" i know now. it was the home of when i went to high school. yet it wasnt literally that home in va cuz it was my home here in balt (dreams are so weird)..

i was w/ some friends--this guy and girl who i knew fairly well, just chillin before school started (yeah, who hangs out before school?). we were just talkin, i guess--about wut i have no clue..

in the midst of our chilling, i suddenly remembered i had THREE finals that day!! in english, chemistry, and some non-descript class. and i FREAKED cuz i hadnt studied for a single one of em..

now i was okay w/ the english cuz it was obviously gonna be an essay test and i was confident i could bs my way thru that..

but i tore over my house lookin for my chemistry notebook cuz i knew i was deadmeat there. i couldnt believe i hadnt even thought of studyin for it..

now you hafta understand, in my latter yrs in high school i rarely did work at nite. it was my custom to go to school an hr-and-half before classes started and study for my test on that day that very mornin. or do my homework due later that day. yeah, i would try hittin the books the evening before but it was futile. sleep, tv, or the comic-book-layin-by-my-desk would eventually take over..

dont be mistaken, i was far from a brilliant student--procrastinatin and rushin thru my work in the wee hrs wasnt a formula for success or A's. but thats wut i did cuz i was a morning person and my stegosaurus-sized brain could best concentrate in the mornings..

okay, back from my digression. so i searched all over my house lookin for my chem notes so i could at least skim over some facts and save face. but to no avail, it just wasnt there..

i then remembered it was in my locker which, because i hadnt opened in months, i couldnt recall the combination for..

so i was royally screwed..

i freaked. my friend was takin a shower and i screamed cuz i was the one who needed to take a shower so i could leave. i was scamperin all over the place, figurin out wut to do--wut excuse to come up w/, how i would survive this debacle..

and then my alarm saved me..

i woke up and walked over to shut off the damn noise--at once, thankful and perturbed it woke me..

i then laid in bed for a few minutes convincin myself i didnt have three exams today and that it was okay to have not studied for my three non-existent exams. after sufficient argument, i got up and began my real day..

the thing im wonderin about now is why i freaked so much. i dont think it was the fear of impendin failure that scared me as much as it was my lack of preparation and awareness. there was one time in high school when i walked into class not knowin there was a test that day. i lucked out cuz the teacher believed my utter stupidity, but even then i wasnt as stressed as i was in my dream last nite..

the other thing weighin on my mind is how distant takin an exam is to me. im havin a hard time imaginin wut it was like to study, read w/ stressed purpose, and wait in nervous anticipation for a stoopid piece of paper meant to determine a portion of my future. how did i get through it those countless times?

so thats wut my dream did to me this mornin. but ill take the bad w/ the good--the scares w/ the feelings of euphoria..

Posted by chars at June 24, 2003 05:01 PM