charles in charge

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July 31, 2003

accident..

as some of you know already, i got into a car accident last wk. nothin serious--injuries were mostly from the airbag..

basically, i was approachin an intersection--green light all the way. this old man in the opposite direction was stopped, waitin to make a left turn when--at the last minute--he decides to make that turn right into my path. it was too late to stop. BAM!!

my first thought after the impact was, "DAMN!! i busted up my car!! my beautiful, 10-yr old camry!!" cuz seriously if she was gonna go out, it had to be w/ style--like a total demolition complete w/ flips and tires flyin off. and of course, we hope i would have survived (maybe)..

anyways, im fine now--completely healed. so please dont bother me w/ emails or phone calls--thats not why i wrote..

in fact, the reason i did was cuz the morbid person in me actually took pictures of my "phantom of the opera" face. so if youre really curious and dont care for some red, click on the link below to see the luvly pictures..

i actually dont think it looks that bad, but esther thought they were pretty "gruesome". so okay, they were worthy of bein posted..

its kinda funny--cuz now that its all healed, my skin looks better than before. yes!! damn acne scars, BE GONE!!

Posted by chars at 10:27 PM

July 29, 2003

happy birthday..

haha, funny video--made my day..

Posted by chars at 05:01 PM | Comments (2)

July 28, 2003

un-known..

i have a problem w/ honesty..

im not an outright liar (not all the time anyways)--i dont tell people falsities. my problem lies w/ disclosure. i try to limit the amount of information i tell someone about myself..

i have a friend who immediately dislikes people he meets. in his view, a person must prove his "worthiness"--of time and relationship. im not that extreme, but i do have an inherent distrust in people. only once i get to know em does my guard let down slightly..

i think it lies w/ my cynical view of human nature. although i would ideally like to view it as bein foundationally good i cannot fully embrace that notion cuz i hafta give myself the benefit of the doubt..

and that is why i will never be happy w/ my blog cuz i can never be completely honest in my words--laid bare in the open..

saw an interestin film called the rules of attraction the other day and it asked, how can you actually know someone? for all the connections we make, why is it so imperative that we make ourselves known? why do i have a blog where i share only some of my thoughts and let limited information about me just lie out there on the net?

who knows, i certainly dont..

Posted by chars at 11:59 PM

July 27, 2003

l8..

stayin up late is awesome. reminds me of my junior yr when i lived alone and would regularly stay up til 4am..

thing is, i rarely do anythin productive or worthwhile--i merely stay up to avoid sleepin. not that im tired, but stayin up surfin the net or watchin tv or readin requires such minimal energy that exhaustion is hardly an obstacle..

but i do realize it is a bad habit. i mean why stay up to only waste time? sleepin early to get up early makes for an invigoratin morning..

yet the soul does not obey wut the mind tells it. and i continue to rub my eyes cuz although im weary and ready, i just dont FEEL like goin to sleep..

i hate sleep..

Posted by chars at 03:01 AM

July 25, 2003

tgif? no thanks..

this week has been kinda off for me. and although i normally relish fridays for the obvious reasons, today i feel just kinda blah..

maybe its cuz fridays imply the beginnin of the end of the week (aka, the weekend). which if you look pessimistically enough indicates the next week is just around the corner..

and its not that i dread goin to work (work is actually coo)--i think its that ive realized my life revolves almost solely around work..

i get up by 7am to go to work..

i wear my polo shirt and khakis cuz of work..

i spend the sunny day inside at work..

i come home and chill with esther/play with the dogs/watch tv/read to de-compress from work..

and i go to sleep only because the next day, i hafta to go to work..

so weve deduced that my life--and since she works a hundred-times harder and longer than i do, esthers life--all revolve around work. but shouldnt that mean i would savor the weekend that much more??

not really cuz the weekend just kinda skirts by w/ nothin productive havin gone on. weekdays at least have structure cuz of work. on weekends, its the escape from boredom that pushes me around..

i think im tired. good thing about bein a mornin-person though: hope springs eternal w/ each new day (oh, i luv soundin dramatic..)..

Posted by chars at 06:37 PM

July 21, 2003

firsts and lasts..

yeah, i know surveys are lame. but i liked the idea of this one..

First Car: 1993 camry. and yes, for you all ive chauffeured--i still have it..

First Date: first real date was w/ esther in the summer of '98..

First Job: does charging your korean cousin $1/hr for english lessons count? if not, how bout scamming hallmates of $1 for one cup of noodle?

First Screenname: not including ICQ (cuz i cant remember it for the life of me), charles_paik. yes, very creative..

First Self Purchased Album: some john williams soundtrack..

First Funeral: my dads mother..

First Pet: candy, a mixed-breed dog i had who soon became my second funeral..

First Piercing/Tattoo: coming soon (i wish)..

First Enemy: not including my mom, some kid in 7th grade..

First Big Trip: disney world when i was like 7. i remember cuz some kid (not me) took a dump in one of those push-cart dolphins..

First Play/Musical/Performance: a group suzuki violin recital where we were told to walk into the audience as we played and i just made circles around the stage..

First Sport You Played: tennis. took a ton of lessons and have nothin to show for it..

First Musician You Remember Hearing In Your House: some violinist my parents tried to ingrain my head w/..

Last Good Cry: umm, pass..

Last Library Book Checked Out: an american tragedy bout 7 months ago..

Last Movie Seen: t3..

Last Book Read: the da vinci code--not bad..

Last Cuss Word Uttered: aw ship..

Last Beverage Drank: samuel adams..

Last Food Consumed: soft chicken taco from taco hell..

Last Crush: michael jordan--oh, i mean esther..

Last Phone Call: to some crazy lawn mower repair guy..

Last TV Show Watched: boomtown..

Last Time Showered: this mornin..

Last Shoes Worn: the same timberland shoes i wear to work everyday (cept fridays)..

Last CD Played: matchbox 20..

Last Item Bought: ncaa football 2004..

Last Downloaded: the remedy (jason mraz)..

Last Annoyance: stella steppin in her own poo..

Last Disappointment: "she'll be back.." - ahnuld in t3

Last Soda Drank: mountain dew, the elixir of life..

Last Thing Written: this..

Last Key Used: front door..

Last Word Spoken: "wuts up.."

Last Sleep: last nite..

Last IM: a co-worker who im suppose to be helpin..

Last Weird Encounter: sayin hi to a neighbor as i was pickin up dog poo..

Last Ice Cream Eaten: edy's chocolate chip

Last Time Amused: seein dr phil on the 200 greatest pop icons..

Last Time Wanting To Die: itd be better if if just lied..

Last Time Hugged: this mornin..

Last Time Scolded: this mornin..

Last Chair Sat In: my chair at work..

Last Shirt Worn: one of my gazillion polo shirts..

Last Time Dancing: for my dogs (i dont think they were very impressed)..

Posted by chars at 10:01 PM | Comments (1)

July 19, 2003

just some thoughts..

some things goin thru my head..

- just got back from watchin t3. as one of my co-workers said, "it was entertaining". i actually thought the story was decent, but the execution needed work--the direction didnt contain the same kind of passion as when helmed by james cameron..

didja like how the new machine was called the "terminatrix"? yeah, not-so-subtle way of ridin the matrix's wave..

yet as hackneyed as the whole self-aware artificial intelligence premise is in any film, ill always go see it. wut? a new movie about machines takin over the world? im there. automatic $6 bucks for the movie studio..

- by the way, this was the first time i saw a film in the theatre by myself. weird..

- so i was glued to the television for about an hr last nite watchin sportscenter coverin the latest development on kobe bryant. im so enthralled by the whole thang cuz the ramifications seem so sad..

as hated as he is (by me) for bein an mj-copycat who rode shaq-daddys coattails to three championships, i actually feel bad for him now, for two reasons:

1) the thing is, i dont wanna see him go to jail. i wanna see great basketball. have you seen all his highlights the news have been showin repeatedly? baseline reverse dunk? fastbreak, spin-around-the-defender lean-in slam?

and right now, he and tmac have the greatest one-on-one show goin on. itd be a shame to see him turn in the purple-and-gold for pinstripes and start bein referred to as "my date tonite" by some 300-lb inmate..

2) one thing i keep thinkin about is, wut IF he is tellin the truth? that nothin else happened other than wut was consensual? then it doesnt matter how loud he shouts or sincerely he speaks--even if he is found innocent, who will truly believe and trust him from a character point-of-view..

it reminds me of bein in a heated argument and i know for an absolute fact that wut i am contendin is truth and is right. yet no matter how persuasive i am, there is no way of convincin my opponent otherwise--no budgin wutsoever. which only fuels the anger and frustration because it is simply unfair that truth will not be accepted..

if he is bein truthful, then kobe can proclaim his innocence all he wants and spout "consensual" a million times over. cuz neither you or i will ever believe him..

..because it is unfair..

Posted by chars at 03:20 PM | Comments (2)

July 17, 2003

mmmm, nuts..

im speechless (but maybe thats cuz my mouth is full)..

one of my friends is doin a marketin internship this summer and because we re so close, he unveiled planters' new secret weapon to me..

i guess the nut company has decided to go in a whole new direction..

Posted by chars at 08:57 AM | Comments (3)

July 14, 2003

speakin of crazy..

about a month ago, esther and i were talkin w/ one of her fellow resident-friends about people w/ serious personality disorders. the doctors (my wife and the other guy) made the point that in fact we ALL "suffer" from these disorders, just to lesser degrees..

as the conversation went on, i had no doubt i was crazy..

so it was interestin that a few days later i checked out this personality disorder test on the web. yes, very unofficial but i thought the results clarified some of the peculiarities in my behavior..

i find it amusin that im only moderately antisocial--guess bein married to esther has diluted some of my reclusiveness. course, the results also say im highly schizoid so . . . (its just a joke, esther--haha, okay?)

--

by the way, im reinstatin the comments feature since a good number of people actually enjoy leavin em or readin other peoples thoughts. sides, id like to hear some validation of wut the test indicates =)..

Posted by chars at 09:37 AM | Comments (3)

July 13, 2003

pigskin neurosis..

i just realized the other day that all my non-esther time (qualified as when esther is either not around or not conscious) is dominated entirely by football. ill explicate by example..

- the very first thing i do every mornin when i get up (and while esther is takin a shower) is head straight for the computer and check how my simulated fantasy football team did (one quarter of a game is played out overnite)..

- the last thing i do each nite, even when i am deathly exhausted, is review my fantasy team before the simulation..

- when esther is takin a nap, i gingerly creep downstairs and start up my gamecube. madden 2003 provides a high like no other..

- "when im runnin into second and i feel somethin beckon", i make sure and grab a fantasy football magazine to read while takin care of business. if only i studied this diligently for school, id be the frickin ruler of the universe..

all this evidence points to the fact that i remain a fanatic..

those who know me understand that is wut sets me apart from the rest of the "normal" population. and although i am at times flattered to be labeled as such, i realize it may be my undoin..

..cuz sometimes, i dont hafta go. but i sit down in the bathroom anyways cuz i need my football fix..

Posted by chars at 03:39 AM

July 09, 2003

crème de la crème..

almost as good as bulgogi..

for about two weeks now, ive been hooked on this new fruit chew starburst has out called "fruit & crème". it is soooo good--much better than the mcdonalds new gimmick, the mcgriddle ..

anyways, there are four flavors:

- strawberry & crème
- orange & crème
- mixed berries & crème
- peaches & crème

wut makes em so delectable is they arent so starkly flavored as the original starburst, where your tongue is initially stung by a sour surge. instead, wut you get is a smooth sensation sailin down the nerve-ends of your tongue. think a fruitier (and chewier) crème savers..

(hmm, i think there was too much alliteration in that paragraph..)

by the way, know how some store franchises have "store locators" on their websites? check out this ridiculous PRODUCT locator at starburst.com. yes, i do need to know if the rite-aid by my house sells starbursts..

anyways, i need another fix. man, this bad habit is costin me 55 cents a day..

but damn, its good..

Posted by chars at 11:13 AM

July 08, 2003

wut is an idiot to do?

im pretty pissed off right now--and its not even 9am yet..

- woke up this mornin and checked my simulation fantasy league (football) as i always do, only to see i lost yet another game by givin up a double-digit pt lead in the fourth quarter. its now my third such consecutive game and i feel like the damn computer is cheatin like hell to allow my opponents to come back. life is so unfair..

- im late to work, not that anyone really cares. but i dont like comin in 20 mins after my designated time. and the thing is, i woke up earlier than i usually do. the bad thing about bein a mornin person is i try to do too much in the mornin..

- yester, i mowed the lawn. in the process, i broke our nice, fairly new lawn mower freely given to us by our super-friendly neighbor (who works for black and decker). AAAAGGGGHHHH!!

everythin started out fine until i came across a little water pipe stickin out of the ground. i usually go around but since i had little patience on this hot and nasty day, i decided to just lift the mower over it and set it down once i past it--apparently, im not good at estimatin distances..

KER-CHUNK!! suddenly, the normal high-pitched whir became a low, pathetic rumble. d a m n . .

but since it was still goin, i decided to keep mowin. and all was fine--for about 10 seconds. then it just died. it was as if the mower was no longer receivin any power (but all was still plugged in) cuz not even the motor would come to life when i pulled on the switch..

so in the end i parked the newly deceased on the sidewalk, borrowed a different neighbors mower, and finished the job. all the while, i repeatedly told myself wut a moron i was and had anyone else faced that water pipe he most certainly would have gone AROUND it..

the thing that pains me the most is that i cant really blame myself. i mean, how can i blame myself for bein stoopid? its like blamin yourself for bein ugly or havin hairy toes--theres nothin you could have done about it. sure, you can minimize the effects by readin books--or trimmin the hair. but ultimately, you are who you are and you had no control over wut your genes pre-determined..

and so all i can do is be infuriated w/ myself for bein an idiot. interestingly, im surprised im not pissed off everyday..

Posted by chars at 08:56 AM

July 04, 2003

"why are you so quiet?"

a couple of interestin articles on introverts..

- born that way..

- a little-understood group..

in the first, i find it extremely curious that michael jordan is identified as an introvert (uncorroborated, of course). who would think that someone w/ that much charisma and such a dominatin personality would be introverted? i guess my problem is i tend to classify introverts w/ the same reclusive attributes i see in myself. great, anti-social AND narrow-minded..

the second article highlights a fantastic point ("are introverts oppressed?") for me cuz i am hardly an assertive person. put me in a conference rm of 20 people whom ive just met and you wouldnt hear a peep from me even if i was given $20. i cant pinpoint why i feel so inhibited in those large group situations, although i think it must arise from bein over-self-conscious..

in those times when i do refrain from speakin/contributin/makin-my-presence-known, i tend to withdraw more and more until my deliberate silence has turned into a disgruntled solitude. and i begin to resent those overbearin, extroverted personalities whose voice just has to dominate the conversation. as i am pushed away, i am also pissed off..

of course, i have no justification for how i feel--i guess as much as they may not understand my aloofness, i dont understand their need to stand front and center..

when we first started goin out, esther and i noticed that whenever we would be hangin out w/ a bunch of people she would often be right in the mix of things where everyones attention was fixed while i would tend to drift to the fringe, away from the calamity and excitement..

i guess shes an extrovert--how do we ever get along?

Posted by chars at 01:48 AM

July 03, 2003

good morning..

i had an interestin conversation this mornin w/ esther. actually, it was more like a monologue since i was doin most of the talkin..

i am a mornin person--once i get up, im revved up to go and take on the world. rain or shine, work or weekend--i am energized..

esther is not--in fact, shes an ANTI-mornin person. she hates gettin up (no matter how well-rested she may be) and does not like bein bombarded by the sounds of the mornin (namely radio talk shows)..

but most of all, she despises bein talked to--esp by a mornin person..

she was tellin me that in high school, her mom would get angry w/ her because she just would not talk in the car on the way to school. her third yr in med school, her roommate would incessantly ask "wuts wrong w/ you?" cuz esther would not even let out a peep as they drove to class..

and now, here she is, MARRIED to a guy whos all ebullient cuz its the start of a fresh, new day and wont frickin shut up as they make their way to work..

i dont think she likes me in the mornings..

---

now i hafta mention, for fairness' sake, that i am not an afternoon person. although i dont like to sleep, i have this problem of bein extremely drowsy once the clock hits 2pm. i can be at work or i can be at home--in either case, im a head-bobbing circus freakshow..

Posted by chars at 07:59 AM