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December 30, 2003
the little booger..
i feel like spillin my thoughts but dont feel like writin, yet im forcin myself to cuz its good to do things i dont necessarily feel like doin..
the week in st louis was good. very chill and relaxin. only spent one day shoppin (christmas eve) so stress was held to a minimum. we got esthers dad a german shepherd, so thats the little booger on the right. watched return of the king and was satisfied enough, but felt like somethin was still amiss--guess i should read the books. spent a whole nite playin hold 'em (poker) which was more fun than it shouldve been--maybe its time to revisit the bellagio..
the drives werent too bad, although i dont really wanna do em again for the main reason of deer. on the way to, i swerved around a recently-hit deer (it was still breathin). and on the way back, swerved again to avoid hittin another one which esther described as "completely gutted". actually, both of those were in maryland--the drive thru the midwest states was quite pleasant..
- so did you see the end of the arizona-minnesota game yester? that was one of the craziest things ive ever seen in the nfl (josh mccown throwin a TD pass to nate poole on 4th-and-24 w/ 0:00 on the clock to eliminate the vikings from the playoffs). but the funniest thing is ive been listenin to various radio shows on espn today and they keep replayin the radio call by the minnesota announcer who after relayin word that the cards scored just shrillingly screams, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" man, i wish i could find a clip for that..
- in the end, of the eight football leagues i played in i won two. but none that really mattered, but wut can i do. well, actually i can formulate better strategies in how i draft and play next season. congratulations, popo for your repeat victory--i guarantee it wont happen again next yr..
- got an interestin phone call from an old friend in nova yester. we hadnt talked in ages and out-of-the-blue he calls me. said he ran into my mom and spoke w/ her for half-an-hr; they are both very loquacious (haha, is it valid to make an extreme adjective more extreme?). apparently, my dear ole matriarch said she was worried about me cuz i wasnt really keepin in touch w/ friends and thought i was secludin myself. oh, so THATS why he called..
haha, but ya kno--it made me think. i do think at times i do inadvertently seclude myself not cuz i am deliberately attemptin to forego relationships, but just cuz at times i dont feel i have a pressin need to have people engaged in my life--esp now that esther is my wife/life. lookin back at the past ten yrs or so, i feel like there was some sort of pattern of spendin-loads-of-time-w/-people and avoidin-loads-of-time-w/-people and it would seem right now, im in that latter period yet again..
maybe its the way i grew up, gettin very used to bein alone and self-sufficient, if i can call it that. it takes effort to communicate w/ people, much less get to know new ones. and beyond that, it takes a real desire to want to know someone, which leads to the inevitable care and concern for em cuz he or she will then qualify as a friend. haha, i make it sound like its such a horrible thing--hmm, i shouldnt have even started..
- actually, a question that just occurred to me while writin the above paragraph is this: am i bein selfish when i am gettin to know someone? if i wanna be friends w/ someone, am i bein selfish? cuz obviously if i think someone is coo and wanna get to know em, then in doin so im also gettin them to know me. and in either a small or big way, i become a part of their life and they are now required to get me a christmas present. haha, no. they are now goin to care about me to some extent, right? and so havent i, in essence, merely drawn them into fulfill some self-servin interest of mine?
- haha, so i can say i married esther for selfish reasons. but if instead the converse is true, then in marryin esther im sayin it was for a selfless cause. "i married her for her own good!" and so, im basically castin myself in an egotistical light. hmmm, seems like a self-centered situation either way..
- man, wut da hell am i writin about?
- oh yeah, went to my very first nfl game last wk, bengals at the rams. edward jones dome is a very nice home-field advantage for st louis. its not too big so it gets quite loud. and watchin your own fantasy players perform for you IN PERSON is such a great feelin--i felt like some proud dad or somethin. haha..
Posted by chars at December 30, 2003 01:40 AM