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September 27, 2004

unfortunately..

yes, im still alive. although i question whether i should be..

that is figurative statement, not a literal one. although i wonder why it cant be..

been lackin the motivation and/or inspiration to write of late. although that hasnt successfully shut me down before..

i live my life guided by a fear of wut other people may think of me. thats somethin (i may have mentioned before) esther despises in me--cuz wut ends up happenin is that fear tends to manifest itself in some strange behavior which will supercede my love for her..

not that it really supercedes it, but for that moment i may do something or act in some way that is driven more by a selfish desire to protect my private image than by a bold stand to proclaim i dont care wut da hell anyone else thinks..

and that same dilemna arises in this blog; i dont write as often as my mind sputters cuz i wonder wut people--friends, strangers, whoever--would think of ME if i actually put down my inner thoughts and feelings..

not that i have some crazed psychotic wishes (not all the time anyways), but if you know me im one who tends to hold back and remain mysterious (unless theres some alchy in me; then inhibition starts flutterin out the window)..

anyways, spent the weekend in chi-town and met up w/ like 50 different old friends which was fun and coo, but sad really cuz wut joy do you derive in hangin out w/ people youre gonna hafta leave em after two hrs?

also for those visitin or livin in chi, check out the newly built millennium park and the weber grill restaurant. the former is a tourist attraction gone right and the latter, a place where everythin is cooked over charcoals--yum..

anyways, back to real life stuff--like football!!

Posted by cpaik at 05:38 PM

September 10, 2004

isnt she lovely?

so this mornin esther IMs this bit (reprinted with permission):

esther: hi, i fell asleep again and had a dream that a fruit of the loom cereal eating contest went awry, i got locked into an apt room with lots of my relatives, and i saw lenny and ben bratt [from law & order] on the tv trying to solve my case

esther: then i did a mcgyverism by unlocking the door to the apt by using floss and rescued everyone myself

esther: it was a great dream

shes so funny. "fruit of the loom CEREAL EATING contest"??!! now exactly wut is IN this cereal??

but ya kno wut? i dunno whether to rejoice over the fact that two of my favorite tv shows were featured in her dream or to scold her for misspelling the hallowed name of "mAcgyver"..

Posted by cpaik at 11:59 PM

September 08, 2004

i missed ya..

finally..

..the nfl season has arrived. hallelujah!! its like when youve been underwater, on your last breath, desparately racin for the surface--and you BREAK through!! oh, sweet air floods your burnin lungs..

i cant wait til tomorr..

FIVE THINGS TO WATCH FOR THIS SEASON

1) Welcome Back, Joe - ah, the savior has returned. as only a washingtonian can understand, this is bigger than even mj comin to town--which i think is sayin a lot, esp comin from me. cmon work your magic, coach..

2) TO in Philly - the next biggest acquisition of the yr. could terrell be the missing ingredient that finally takes em to the superbowl?

3) Get Your Mitts Off Me!! - no more muggings, a lil more offense. heavy emphasis of the 5-yd chuck rule should help generate more yds/pts and separate the good corners from the rest..

4) Ill Give You My Stud If You Give Me Yours - clinton portis for champ bailey. you almost never see a trade of stars. but i guess shanahan finally got his corner and is confident enough in its running system (as TMQ has haikued, "insert running back, gain thousand yards.")..

5) Pats? Dynasty? - much talk has been if the pats repeat, can they be considered a dynasty? i think the pats had some good fortune goin for em last yr and wont fare as well this time around. theyll still make the playoffs, but no ring this season..

this is where i bid esther farewell on sundays..

Posted by cpaik at 05:11 PM

September 03, 2004

city-envy..

ive recently realized (or decided) that my two favorite places in the US are new york and las vegas..

i used to think i was one of those anti-city people, esp big cities. i couldnt imagine bein surrounded by people constantly, w/ no space to thrive or green to see..

but maybe cuz of my travellin in the last few yrs (or a few yrs ago), ive become to actually relish the so-called "city life". not needin a car to get to where you wanna go, bein able to just step outside to get food (more vital for a single guy than a married one), and havin access to pretty anythin and everythin (cept for majestic views and rolling hills)..

my last trip to new york esp made me want more of it. i think its cuz i didnt (have time to) do too much there--like a tease that went unfulfilled..

vegas, of course, is a whole nother creature. but it does have that similarity in accessibility and walkability. it is, however, the casinos and the restaurants w/in i find enthralling. last time i was there was in feb, but havin recently seen oceans eleven again made me drool for that oasis-in-the-middle-of-nowhere all over..

i dunno wuts become of me. youd think for a big time introvert, id be partial to a quiet beach resort or even solitary confinement. but no, i gotta act all weird and enjoy subway commutes, crosswalks, and people crawlin everywhere..

yeah, im definitely messed up..

- i also luv london. the culture, the accent, and my favorite restaurant in the world (check out the menu!) make it very appealin to me..

- so lemme ask ya: if youre drivin on a three-lane highway, which one do you consider to be the first lane?

ive always seen the left-most lane as bein the first and the right-most the third. tell me if im wrong but i think most consider the outer (right-most) lane to be the first. why is that? i mean, dont we read from left to right? isnt the left lane considered the passing lane, hence the fast lane, hence the lane for the fastest/most-confident/best drivers, and hence the #1 lane?

just another argument supportin the fact that i am m-e-s-s-e-d U-P!!

- was listenin to my favorite sports radio show and the host said somethin that i felt was on the mark. we may diet and we may have discipline, but we all have our food addictions. that one thing that we cant help but cave in on. even thinkin about it now makes your mouth water,,

for me, there are two things i cave in on EVEN if im full: chicken wings and mountain dew..

wings are so enticing, maybe cuz theyre small, definitely because theyre tasty and messy. course, i sometimes eat em w/ a fork--even chipped my tooth once..

mountain dew really doesnt need any explanation, does it? i drink at least one can a day. it is my salvation in the afternoon--every time i unveil it from the mini-fridge at work, i hold it up and hail it as the "elixir of life". oh man wut would i do w/o you, o sweet dew?

oh man, wut am i gonna do when i have type-2 diabetes by the time im 33 and shootin blanks?

Posted by cpaik at 05:02 PM

September 02, 2004

but dogs are supposed to be friendly..

i asked esther this question the other day: "am i an unfriendly person?"

she replied w/ an instant "yes"..

i dunno wut it is, but i dont really like sayin hi to strangers when passin em in the hallway or waitin for the elevator. it annoys me even when i hafta smile at someone, playin nice w/ courtesy and all. i actually try to keep a stoic if not frownin face when walkin in public--why smile if i dont hafta?

but wut kills me most is when complete strangers try and make conversation. "its hot today, isnt it?" "uh yeah, so dont make my body process more calories and produce heat by talkin to you." yeah, if only i could say that (why do i hafta be so passive-aggressive?)--wait, does that qualify as bein friendly by NOT retaliatin?

"gawd, just stop--why are you tryin to talk w/ me? i dont know you.."

i guess that deems me unapproachable and inside, my introverted nature smiles..

- this is gonna sound stoopid cuz it is..

ive been tellin people i have this HUGE dilemna of catastraphic proportions. dont laugh, but next thurs is the premiere of the new apprentice. i luved the first one--enjoyed it so much it made see nearly all the other reality shows as flaky..

(by the way, you think the apprentice wouldve been as good or popular w/o omarosa? i have this theory that people galvanize more around things they hate then things they luv. anyways..)

so obviously, ive been waitin for trump to return. but lo and behold, wut else is returnin on thurs?

F...O...O...T...B...A...L...L

damnit--ive only been waitin since the superbowl for the season to begin. and now that its arrived, i hafta choose between sweatin 300-lb men and a billionaire w/ bad hair?

its actually no contest--football all the way..

i just hafta remeber how to program the vcr..

- if you ever get depressed, this is the page to look at. i still marvel at his numbers from his first MVP yr in 88. scoring champ AND defensive player of the yr?? unbelievable..

- so the past couple yrs ive been tryin to figure out wut to do w/ my life (not as bad as cocoa, who i find every now and then tryin to contemplate the meaning of his existence--im not kiddin), more from a career need-to-bring-home-some-bacon basis. and when i think about it, there are a few things that get me goin:

football/basketball: esther encourages me to look for a sports job--yeah, i may follow some sports to a fanatical (or should i say fantastical) degree, but that doesnt mean i know a damn thing about em..

film music: its been 15 yrs now since i first fell in luv w/ john williams (or as us aficionados like to call him, "jdub"). writin for films would be coo, but i have no creativity in me; no capacity wutsoever to imaginatively hear music. ive been tryin for 15 yrs..

economics: isnt it just a cruel tease to be fascinated by concepts i cant understand and gaze at numbers & formulas w/ a blank stare? im just too dumb for this..

web applications: this is basically all i do right now. and boy do i suck at it..

so thats my objective look at my "options". maybe i should just loaf around the house, gnaw on some bones, and sniff til my nose runs dry ever hopeful in the eternal quest for food..

ruff ruff!!

but all that soul-searchin crap is useless anyways (since its hopeless) cuz there are more important things in life..

..like gettin ready for some FOOTBALL!!

Posted by cpaik at 08:24 AM