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September 27, 2004
unfortunately..
yes, im still alive. although i question whether i should be..
that is figurative statement, not a literal one. although i wonder why it cant be..
been lackin the motivation and/or inspiration to write of late. although that hasnt successfully shut me down before..
i live my life guided by a fear of wut other people may think of me. thats somethin (i may have mentioned before) esther despises in me--cuz wut ends up happenin is that fear tends to manifest itself in some strange behavior which will supercede my love for her..
not that it really supercedes it, but for that moment i may do something or act in some way that is driven more by a selfish desire to protect my private image than by a bold stand to proclaim i dont care wut da hell anyone else thinks..
and that same dilemna arises in this blog; i dont write as often as my mind sputters cuz i wonder wut people--friends, strangers, whoever--would think of ME if i actually put down my inner thoughts and feelings..
not that i have some crazed psychotic wishes (not all the time anyways), but if you know me im one who tends to hold back and remain mysterious (unless theres some alchy in me; then inhibition starts flutterin out the window)..
anyways, spent the weekend in chi-town and met up w/ like 50 different old friends which was fun and coo, but sad really cuz wut joy do you derive in hangin out w/ people youre gonna hafta leave em after two hrs?
also for those visitin or livin in chi, check out the newly built millennium park and the weber grill restaurant. the former is a tourist attraction gone right and the latter, a place where everythin is cooked over charcoals--yum..
anyways, back to real life stuff--like football!!
Posted by chars at September 27, 2004 05:38 PM