so im a bathroom-fan kinda guy. when im sittin on the pot takin care of business/droppin the kids off at the pool/doin #2/insert preferred euphemism here, i like havin the overhead fan on. im not gonna begin a discussion on its intended purpose, but lemme just say growin up i always had it on. so now, not only do i find it to provide a soothin pleasant ambiance, but it almost a requirement to help further pursue my activities..

on the other hand (of course), esther hates the fan. the whirring, the buzzing, the volume; it all annoys her. i liken it to her quiet time--her "walden", if you will. even when IM in the bathroom and have the fan on, she cant stand it. it doesnt help that her side of the bed is situated next to the outside wall of the bathroom. so whenever i go to prepare/unload/empty myself for the nite, i keep her up..

that is until recently. tryin to uphold my side of "in sickness and in health, in good times and the bad-smelling", i have actually NOT turned on the bathroom fan when duty calls. yep, as much as it strains me to sit there in the peace and not-always-quiet (but quieter than youd think), i do it because thats the funny thing about bein married. doin things i normally would not be caught dead doin (watchin gilmore girls), givin up pieces of wut i thought made me "me" (actually throwin away some magazines and not keepin ALL of em), and tryin new things cuz a bathroom fan is just not as important as a wife--i think..

- i call em deterrants, esther calls em excuses. wutever they may in fact be, they stand in the way of me readin more. i luv the idea of reading cuz theres so much to learn and/or experience out there thats captured in these bound sheets of paper that only cost anywhere from $5 to $15. yet, i dont read even close to enough. why?

the best time for most (i would guess) to read is at nite, as one is settlin into bed. it is for me at least. and while at times, im good at it, there are annual periods which simply beckon for me to pick up the remote and leave that book on the nite-stand:

football season: sun and mon nites are a given. even after the games, sportscenter is a must..

basketball season: mostly nba. i cant help but watch the espn games on wed and fri nites, and stay up til 1:30am on thurs nites for the late frickin west coast game to finish up on tnt..

winter: my hands are like sandpaper and only in the last couple years have i actually put lotion on em (again, another marriage-changin habit). bein the obsessive-compulsive packrat that i am, i cant pick up a book until im 100% sure my lotion-covered hands wont smear the cover or stain the pages of wutever im book i pick up. yes, i know--i need help. thankfully through therapy, ive made some progress and i can now comfortably read my sports illustrated or sporting news w/o care (since i now throw em away--unless theres some article on michael jordan)..

crazy, i know. so those three periods basically go from sept to june, leavin me w/ a good 2-3 months of solid reading. how pathetic am i, a prisoner of my own compulsions..

hmmm, actually in a real prison i wouldnt be able to watch any tv. too bad im not OCD enough to go psycho. or am i?

naaaaaahhhhhhsssss. i luv it..

anyways, the superbowl was pretty coo. except it sucked. the game itself wasnt all that, but at least it wasnt the runaway game steelers fans thought it would be. sloppy officiating interlaced w/ some big steeler plays made for a decent game..

the highlight of the night (for me anyways) was the macgyver priceless commercial. even w/ the wrinkles and botox, i still luv that man..

the other highlight of that nite is still payin dividends. we had people over and i ended up grillin like 30 burgers and 20 brats/dogs--too bad we only had like 10 people over, two of whom were vegetarians. well, more like too good to be true cuz ive been eating a burger and/or brat every lunch and dinner since. oh, its like heaven for me--please dont let mold take over the meat before its too late!

so duke beat carolina on tuesday. woo hoo, he says sarcastically. i think im the only dukie who doesnt believe in the team--we are so overrated and so gettin bounced before the final four. why cant we ever recruit more than one athletic big man every 3-4 years? oh, thats right--its about "relationships". guess coach k can only have a relationship w/ one big man at a time..

anyways, in an effort to save electricity, gas and money since i work from home now, i lower the temp in our house to like 60 during the day. so i wear like three layers on top, which is news cuz my overheatin body never sports three layers unless im skiing or something. but i cant find my snowpants and cant seem to wear anything but jeans as i work so my legs are like stilts of ice. by 1pm, i can only feel the numbing cold (how can i feel something if its numb?) work its way thru my layers of dry skin and atrophied muscle. this strange behavior only makes me pine for esthers return ever more as i can then turn up the heat to great comfort..

brrrrrrrr..

every morning, i awake an optimist. the sun shines bright, the horizon is endless and hope abounds..

by the time im readyin for bed, i am the ultimate pessimist. i suck, life sucks, everything sucks..

hope is in fact the wrong four-letter word..

so if i am such a morning person, why is it that i hate the arrival of every new year? i am--after all--turnin to the next page..

easy: cuz i am in fact turnin to the NEXT page.......when i havent done anything in the previous chapters of my inglorious existence..

regrets, missed goals, lost opportunities--they all make me scowl as i cross over into the new year. bein constantly reminded to make new resolutions only serves as a reminder of past ones i have not fulfilled..

resolutions? more like resignations..

and a happy new year to you.. =)

well, obviously it was kinda weird since it was the first time we didnt sit around the tree w/ either of families in our 28-30 years of existence. so w/ that, it was nice cuz i got that sense of the nuclear family really makin its place; but at the same time, there was some sadness since we ll have plenty of these moments once our parents pass on. so its kinda like an opportunity wasted..

oh, the reason we spent christmas here in snow-hio was cuz esther was on-call on christmas eve (sucks). i was wonderin if santa would show up in cardiac arrest from eatin too many cookies and milk. too bad, couldve grabbed some of the bigger gifts off his sleigh when he wasnt lookin..

- i saw munich over the weekend and i liked it. i know next-to-nothing on middle-east relations, but steven spielberg made me want to learn something about it. while it wasnt a film that blew me away--like schindlers list or napoleon dynamite--it was one that stayed w/ me for a bit. the plot and the issues it presented, the visceral portrayal of death w/in the context of terror, and the paranoid intrigue of real-world-like espionage--all made for an affecting film. i just may pick up the book..

as much ballyhoo i imply about livin in ohio, one thing i am relishin over (so far) is the snow..

its only the second day of december and already im seein our third snowfall of the season. its been clockwork practically as its snowed once a week the past three weeks..

now, i usually HATE precipitation; D-E-S-P-I-S-E it. esp rain cuz it just makes everything nasty and wet. track water into the house, dogs get soaked, paws get muddy, hafta turn those awful windshield wipers on. it just sucks..

but snow is different. calming. pretty. unless its a blizzard (which is no fun drivin thru). and i guess its nicer when i dont hafta commute to work--to drive thru slow-moving traffic. but instead take in the view of the nice blanket of white fallin on the grass and trees outside as i work. and i suppose its nicer that we have a garage now so no snow has to be shovelled off or around the car, which makes for a pleasant way to begin the day..

yeah, snow-hio aint so bad..

the music w/ brandos voiceover--ooh, <shiver>..

and man, it is amazing--PEOPLE are amazing. wut theyve done, all theyve accomplished, how theyve taken advantage of things, wut theyre doing w/ their lives..

..and here i am, mr lazy ass, distractin myself w/ this site as i try and figure out which player to pick up for my fantasy team..

well, i guess some people are born to watch others walk on the moon..

nice..

yeah, one of the perks of workin from home..

okay, so it was pretty nice out and i had all the windows open. but i stoopidly ate hot-and-sour soup for lunch and damnit, i was burnin HOT this whole frickin forsaken afternoon..

so i took off my shirt. yep. nothing fancy, no dancing, no twirling and no rippingst (know pig latin?). just took right it off..

i cranked the fan way up, sat down, and went back to work--typing away like the big computer doofus that i am..

surprisingly, i was actually a little uncomfortable w/ the whole thing. i guess since im one who readily second (and third) guesses himself, i just couldnt allow myself to feel relaxed. yes, even though i was alone in a house all to myself, i kept lookin around out of paranoia and couldnt help but think "this just feels wrong". like i was breakin some code of ethics or something..

in any case, i put my shirt back on after 15 mins of liberation. maybe one day (when it hits 100 and i wanna save electricity), i will re-live this life-altering experience. until then, i think ill refrain from my nudist inclinations..

and sorry boys, dont got no webcam..

obviously, i know wut my close(r) friends have been up to--if theyve gotten hitched, wut they do now, etc. but people i used to work w/ or guys from high school; hell, even from when i was the only non-caucasian in my entire elementary school in tennessee..

its really fun seein pictures of them today, happy and w/ their SO (as oppose to SOB, hahahaha--ok yeah, thats stoopid). seein wut kind of person they are now and who they end up with..

fun stuff--try it..

so i just finished watchin the second half of thirteen (wow, wut an engrossing film) and the first half of 21 grams, with which every viewing im beginning to luv more and more..

these depressing, realistically-dirty flicks were made for me. strip out the glamour and bring on the grime. earthy, raw, and yeah--make me feel the stresses and aches i dont in my real world..

it is interesting that some dude in the 1900s would go so far as to try and quantify the soul into a physical weight. i wonder wut drove him. and if he was right, so wut? the soul weighs 21 grams. good for him. now how does that change my existence?

so we lose 21 grams when we die, how much is gained when we live?

so weve been here over a month now and ive finally decided to put thoughts into words. or in this case, feelings. instead of describin the actual going-ons of this past month, ill outline how ive felt about the going-ons of this past month..

- packing is hell. granted, it was never fun. packin for camp, packin for college. packin a dorm room. packin an apt. it all sucked. but packin a frickin HOUSE?! as esther so observantly noticed, how can two korean hobbits living in a townhouse fill up every nook-and-cranny of a four-bedroom house??

- unpacking sucks too, but more like the my-crotch-is-uncomfortable-thanks-to-this-2000%-humidity sucks than the i-wanna-rip-my-eyeballs-out sucks cuz at least the displeasure and aggravation can be spread out over a period of time (in our case, a month and counting). esther still comes home and gets frustrated that i havent really done any unpacking (hey, pigs enjoy living in stys)..

- livin in a new house is very nice. like the smell of a new car, the smell of a virgin home should be packaged and marketed..

- livin in a single-family house is great. now, we can yell and scream at each other w/o fear of wakin the neighbors..

- workin at the cleveland clinic is absolute heaven for esther (i think). she luvs the people (fellow alpha humans), the program (of course), and cant imagine bein anywhere else. although she did say she misses the cerebral thinking of hopkins..

- workin from home is cush. wake up, walk the hounds, think about takin a shower (jk...maybe), dress for success (shorts and NO SOCKS), and navigate thru the traffic of our dogs to get to the office on time. actually, at the same time that is the best perk and the worst loss. i havent filled my gas tank since july 4th but i think im becomin less aggressive as a person (much less a driver)..

- and finally, livin in ohio is.........different. we dont really live in cleveland (45 min drive for dr wife every morning), so i cant say wut thats really like. in fact, we live in true suburbia. neighborhood full of families and kids, an elementary school not even one block down the street, and a shopping plaza w/ your obligatory target, home depot, and grocery store three minutes away (not even enough to listen to one song)..

its a bit of an adjustment, for me at least. spendin so much time at home doesnt bother me as much as spendin so much time in front of my computer all day for work and a good portion of the nite for extra-credit. thats probly why i havent felt like blogging; its either work or fantasy football/poker..

esther worries that im not gettin enough social interaction. i think my mom does too (are we sure those two are not one and the same? hey, who is "we" anyways? my other schizoid personality?). bah humbug, introverted only children dont need no stinkin people..

the first nite we got here, we went to the grocery store to stock up on some necessities. i find grocery stores in areas foreign to me interesting because while the items and brands in the stores across the country remain the same, each feel different for some stupid reason. and waitin for checkout that nite, i got that feeling where i wasnt quite comfortable because all this was new and uncertain to me yet was excited because it was new and different. i think thats part of wut drives me (charles is driven?); to continually seek and find something new and different..

we will see wut ohio holds in store for the coming 48 months. lebron, an entertainment center, feet upon feet of snow, tormented discussions about kids, findin a korean grocery store..

"tomorrow we will run faster, stretch out our arms farther." yes, hope does spring eternal--at least it does in the beginning..

speakin of star wars, i was thinkin how the relationship between anakin and padme parallels the one between esther and i..

- an older, type-A female befriends a younger, way-immature kid..

- followed by a period of separation (she went to england for a yr--esther, not padme)..

- afterwards, the two meet again and the female is astonished to see he who was once a annoying little boy has now grown into a dashing young man..

- mutual attraction develops (w/o the rolling meadows and cheesy dialogue)..

- and the two marry but dont quite make it to the "happily ever after" part..

so they go on to have kids and the man becomes horribly disfigured as he becomes the biggest badass in the universe while causing the death of his wife..

hmmmm, this doesnt bode well for us..

EDIT: uh, no--esther is NOT pregnant (unless she hasnt told me something). just remarkin on the dismal-looking future..

yesterday, she remarked "i havent seen you wear the pink shirt yet"..

"yeah, i wouldve worn it today but i saw you put on your pink shirt. so i figured--eh, not today.."

"aaaaaawwwwwwww, we wouldve looked so C-U-T-E together!!"

and that, my friends, perfectly illustrates why men and women can live in the same house on the same planet, yet in entirely different universes..

i "sit down" at a $1/2 table (i know--i should at least play $4/8 but i dont think i could handle the swings) at 8pm. things start off okay and some things go my way but most dont (out of poor decision-making), so by 11:55pm im down $60. SIX-ZERO DOT..

but then fortune begins to favor the foolish..

so about half a year ago, esther made me start takin vitamins--that was a good thing..

the BAD thing was she didnt get me my own gender-specific bottle!!

"are you SURE this is okay for me to take??"

"of course it is! im a doctor--trust me.."

"alriiiight, but if i start growin breasts.....im gettin a new wife.."

as if i could attract any women at that point..

seriously, this whole thing is so funny that its not..